Regrets
by kouw
Summary: Elsie dreams of things that might have been. Not corrected, not beta'd, not anything, but uploaded because of a Chelsie Anon on Tumblr!


**A/N:** Not corrected, not beta'd - quickly uploaded because of a Chelsie anon on Tumblr!  
Still... I live for reviews, not gonna lie about that. So, knock yourselves out!

* * *

She hardly remembers looking so young, her face and hands smooth and without wrinkles. He is so tall and strong and tan. She knows this isn't now, but she indulges in her dream, lets herself feel it all. Her guilty pleasure.

She throws up in the morning and is tired all day. Her breasts ache and sting and her gums bleed when she brushes her teeth. It cannot be anything else.

They have only been married eight weeks. She worries about what he will say, they haven't discussed having a family, they are only just settling into their married life. She goes around the house, tidying and cleaning, fixing their simple supper. She isn't much of a cook to begin with, but now the cooking smells make her queezy. When he comes home, they eat and talk. They sit on the sofa and finally she finds the courage to tell him. At first he just stares at her, then he envelops her and he kisses her soundly, asks her if she is sure. A warmth takes the place of the fluttering nervousness.

"I think i am..."

They kiss and they make love, he is gentle, more reverend than ever.

Her hair was so long and dark, her eyes shone with happiness. She was in bed, propped up against two pillows. She felt an unfamiliar tug and looked down. There in her arms was a beautiful, tiny little baby, who was suckling at her breast. Charles was beside her, his eyes full of amazement, his hand stroking her cheek first, then their sons. The perfect product of their unison tightening their bond.

Charles was reading a story to their two boys. He gestured wildly and used his deep, rumbling voice to add extra tension to what he was reading. After the story, she brought the boys to bed. The oldest could change himself, or at least partially and she changed the youngest one. They said goodnight to the stuffed toys. She tucked them in and kissed them. When she came down, he was sitting on the sofa with the newspaper and two cups and teapot were on the table. She sat down next to him, settling herself against him. He lowered his newspaper and wrapped his arm around her. He asked if there was something she wanted. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly.

"A girl would be nice this time. Don't you think?"

Her youngest boy crawled up on the sofa and then on her knees and laid his head against her ever expanding belly. "Hello baby! I am your brother!" She stroked his hair as he tried to make himself comfortable on her lap. "The baby is in the way!" he said, his eyebrows knitted together.

"I know. But it won't be long now." she assured him. He made a place for himself beside her and laid his head against her.

"I want a brother." he announced.

"I can't promise you that, my lad."

All of these are dreams she cannot share with Charles. He will find her ridiculous. She is an old woman, she could have been a grandmother ten times over. She knows this, but she cannot stop her dreams. She keeps them in her heart and watches Anna like a hawk. She wants to prevent Anna from making the same mistake she had. She want Anna to have comfort in family when one day she would be left behind. Anna is young and strong, like Elsie had been, but Anna had been practical. She had not wondered about mutual feelings, of propriety or of her career. Anna had acted on her love for John and Elsie would always always respect and applaud her for that. She wasn't exactly jealous of Anna, but she did wish she would have had the nerve to be more like her. Less ambitious. More in touch with her emotions.

She turned to her other side and looked at her husband. He looked so peaceful and happy. She touched his cheek. Why would she want anything else than that she had right there? Her dreams were vivid, but they were only reminders of things that could have been. What she had here was real and true.

He opened his eyes and drew her against him, kissing her sleepily. She pressed herself against him and with the touch of his hand, he made her forget about her dreams.

This was exactly what she wanted. Forever.

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**A/N:** Told you it didn't get a once over by a professional... still: I hope you liked it! I write it on the train, using my iPhone. I am rather impressed with myself.


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